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By Serge Kreutz (2003)
Your conscious mind has amazingly little influence over your sexual reflexes. You cannot find a person sexually appealing because you decide to do so. What is sexually appealing to you is largely out of your control. Often enough, you may be sexually aroused by an idea or imagination you consciously consider repelling.
If you go back to your pubertal fantasies, you may remember that what focused you on a specific girl or boy was not her beauty or his good looks. More often, it was her or his attitude. The way she or he ignored you. Or because she or he seemed so much out of reach.
Unfortunately, with advancing age, our sexual fantasies wane. And even if we would like to live in a heightened state of sexual desire, we cannot just decide to do so. Our sexual reflexes are entirely out of our control.
As a matter of fact, we can manipulate our sexual reflexes. It's just that we cannot modify them by decision in the same way in which we decide to lift a leg or turn our head to the right.
Our sexual reflexes are not in the realm of consciousness. But with conscious knowledge, we can gain access to the unconscious. And we can, through pharmacological means or traditional drugs, prepare our minds and bodies in a way that heightened sexual desires will more easily occur.
Tragically, sexual desire is often lost in otherwise working long-term relationships such as marriages.
For a man, having lost sexual interest in one's wife does not mean that one doesn't love her anymore. The two may have children together, and have a happy family life? it's just that it's without much, or any, sexual excitement.
I don't believe that your average licensed mental health professional would endorse my recommendations. Mental health professionals have been trained to make us functioning subjects of society, bored but easy to govern. They are not trained to bring out excitement in our lives. They tune us down, while the aim of my articles is to tune us up.
While purely psychological means can have some success in tuning up sexual desire, the much more efficient, practical approach is pharmacological, or herbal.
Is there a drug that can alter our minds so that we live in a state of heightened sexual desire?
Actually, such drugs, some illicit, have been around for some time. Basically, what one wants to achieve are increased levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine, and, at the same time, lower levels of the hormone prolactin.
Among dopamine-enhancing illicit drugs, cocaine is the best known. It may indeed cause heightened sexual interest, but the way dopamine is enhanced by cocaine is rather crude and dirty, and one of cocaine's annoying side effects is that erections become more difficult to achieve.
In a physiologically more acceptable way, dopamine levels are increased by all medications for Parkinson's disease, and indeed, it has been known for decades that patients on anti-Parkinson's medications can develop pronounced sexual interest. As Parkinson's medications are usually taken by elderly people, this heightened sexual interest is often cause for embarrassment within their families.
Apart from dopaminergic drugs, certain herbals (such as tongkat ali for men and kacip fatimah for women) that increase testosterone production, also have been shown in scientific studies (supported by anecdotal evidence) to raise libido.
Men are also receptive to visual and tactile stimuli. Wives that maintain their physical attractiveness are more likely to generate sexual excitement in their men.
And maintaining physical attractiveness does not just mean that women take cosmetics to have pretty faces. Especially in long-term relationships, wives (especially after having given birth) ought to guard for proper genital hygiene and appropriate vaginal tone. By "appropriate vaginal tone", I mean that they use products that help to avoid that their vaginal canals become too loose, and unsuited to afford a man proper pleasure during sexual intercourse.
While some women choose vaginal reduction surgery to provide narrower vaginas to their husbands, a less invasive but equally effective option is the use of certain traditional herbs.
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Copyright Serge Kreutz